I got 23 pounds of candy. Bring it on, you tiny bastards. [Update] I'm... out of candy.

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
10/31/2019 at 22:38 • Filed to: diabetes... ween

[Update]

Oh shit I’m already low

[Update 2]

.... Gone.

DISCUSSION (44)

AestheticsInMotion > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 21:21

If you see a large man running towards your home from a parked Fedex truck, don't be alarmed. I'm just here for the candy corn

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > AestheticsInMotion
10/31/2019 at 21:24

Ohhhh that's right -- you actually know where I live

glemon > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 21:25

Good for you, give the little gh ouls and goblins good old fashioned teeth rotting candy. All those alternative to neighborhood Halloween schemes are a communist plot to undermine the moral fiber of this country.

Remember the Merit from GTA SA? > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 21:25

How big of a hole in your wallet was that?

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 21:26

Please let us know how this ends

Chariotoflove > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 21:28

Hand over the bag on the right and nobody gets hurt.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely
10/31/2019 at 21:29

If it's anything like all that gay porn I watch, I imagine very gayly.

jimz > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 21:29

where the hell do you live that you need 23 lbs of Halloween candy? in my 20 years living on my own I’ve never once had to buy anything.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > jimz
10/31/2019 at 21:31

I had over 200 trick or treaters last year. We were not prepared.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 21:32

Hmmm lots and lots of kids yelling out, “Hey! Guys! Guys,! He’s got full-size candy bars!!! ”

Trap is set. Get ready for Candy Corn 2020, folks.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Remember the Merit from GTA SA?
10/31/2019 at 21:34

Let’s just say that I mourn for all the beers I could have bought.

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 21:37

Full bars?

Kinja'd!!!

Rainbow > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 21:40

Sweet zombie Jesus.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 21:57

Current highlight:

Kid dressed up as Batman, maybe five years old. BANGING on the door with closed fist. BANG BANG BANG. BANG BANG BANG.

“Hello?”

“Gimme candy!

“What was that?”

He smiles and pauses.

“... Gimme candy!”

“Give you candy?”

“Yeah!

[Staredown ensues]

“... Fine.”

“Thank you!”

shop-teacher > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 22:02

I was not prepared for how much candy my kids raked in tonight. It snowed, and was cold as hell, so there weren't many kids out. Some people were dumping in handfuls. They each got three full size bars. I never got a single full size bar in my entire childhood of trick or treating. All told I reckon they each got 5+ pounds.

PowderHound > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 22:02

We had one group of I think 6 or 7. We had five small candy bars. Get jobs kids! I delegated another roommate to answer the door

fintail > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 22:12

Look at all those full sizers, and I see peanut butter. I’ll be right over, dressed as a broken down middle aged powerpoint jockey.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > fintail
10/31/2019 at 22:14

Why not. A "kid" with a full beard stopped by dressed up like some Pokemon.

smobgirl > jimz
10/31/2019 at 22:21

I used to go through about 20 pounds and usually ran out before the kids quit showing up. This year I got 5 pounds and still have some left.

lone_liberal > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 22:31

We’re coming to the end of the three Costco bags we bought and I thought that was a lot since we would barely go through one at the old house, but you win. That’s a lot of pint sized superheroes.

Nothing > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 22:44

The kids here frittered out just before 8. It’s c-c-c-c-o-l-d this evening. My wife figured if people were willing to brave the cold, they deserved the full sizers. I guess I got me some candy to eat.

Chariotoflove > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 22:45

You fiend.

MrDakka > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 22:47

Do you have egging insurance?

Nick Has an Exocet > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 22:48

Wow. I haven’t had a single person tonight. I bought a bunch of candy - which is apparently for me. Our trick or treaters has fallen significantly over the years. 5 years ago it was 10-15 kids. Last year was 0.

RPM esq. > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 22:53

I had a roughly 7-year-old jump out from under my porch and say “did I scare you out of your daylights?” And then list his allergies as he carefully selected candy. He then wished me a nice evening and asked if I liked his pirate costume. If he’d been selling something, I’d have bought it.

subexpression > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 22:58

If you really want to upset some parents next year , buy a bag of cheap noisemakers (little plastic whistles and such) to hand out alongside the large doses of sugar. Or... I don’t know if they’re still around, but years ago I remember seeing lollipops that had a plastic whistle as the stick.

Saracen > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 23:04

of course you’re out, you gave out full size candy!

ClassicDatsunDebate > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 23:10

Ok so it’s 8:10 and we had 52 kids. None in the last 15 minutes...time to turn off the lights and get in tha hot tub. Halloween hotub

Roundbadge > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 23:12

Our first year, our neighbors told us how serious our street was about ToT. We bought heavy (we thought) and still ran out after an hour.

Our street regularly looks like a riot zone on Halloween. Even in a steady rain, we still had a line down our driveway. I know the ‘23 lbs of candy’ experience all too well.

fhrblig > Nothing
10/31/2019 at 23:16

You know how it is, it ain’t a proper Halloween in Colorado unless you’re forced to incorporate a heavy winter coat into your costume.

NKato > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 23:31

I would’ve closed the door on his face for shitting on Halloween tradition.

NKato > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 23:32

Want me to pitch in for the candy loot next year? I have Costco, and can get entire boxes of full size candies at the business center in Lynnwood.

NKato > subexpression
10/31/2019 at 23:33

thanks for the idea, I'm gonna buy a batch of them for next year.

Spaceball-Two > RPM esq.
10/31/2019 at 23:46

My favorite tonight was the little girl dressed as RBG. Pearls and all.

Spaceball-Two > AestheticsInMotion
10/31/2019 at 23:48

My kid gave our Amazon delivery driver a Snickers today. She couldn’t stop laughing and smiling. Gotta treat your driver’s good.

Spaceball-Two > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
10/31/2019 at 23:50

I went to “big box” store and stocked up. I got 17.

AestheticsInMotion > Spaceball-Two
11/01/2019 at 00:22

That’s a good kid.

RallyWrench > fintail
11/01/2019 at 01:06

You beat me to it, dangit. By the time the large kid in the burned out, disgruntled mechanic turned shop manager with a bad back costume arrived he was all out.

i86hotdogs > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
11/01/2019 at 07:16

Tiny bastards is what I will call children from now on.

TheTurbochargedSquirrel > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
11/01/2019 at 08:22

Kinja'd!!!

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > RPM esq.
11/01/2019 at 09:48

Ha!

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > smobgirl
11/01/2019 at 09:49

Hmm... what changed?

smobgirl > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
11/01/2019 at 10:10

Gentrification? Only 4 houses on my block had their lights on last night. W e’ve gone from a working class low income neighborhood with tons of kids to overpriced starter homes for couples without kids in the space of 3-4 years.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > smobgirl
11/01/2019 at 10:11

Ah, that’s a shame. Good on your property value, though!